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You may be Asian if ... (a meme) - Generation American
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Subject:You may be Asian if ... (a meme)
Time:11:38 pm
This is an old meme I completed months ago and just remembered it. It is admittedly written predominantly for Asians, but I was surprised at how amazingly true and funny it turned out to be. Stuff that was not part of the meme or just additional comments by me are probably in parentheses, or something.

Anybody wanna do one, or have a similar ethnic heritage meme to do?

You may be Asian if

(Bolded are true.)


1.Your mother has short-haired, curly perm or dyed

2. Your dad is some sort of engineer. (Prior to retirement)

3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15. (I think it was saying I was 8 when I was 11, or something like that.)

4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.

5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.

6. You shop 99 ranch.

7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.

8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life. (Gahhhh the ignominy >.<)

9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids

10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.

11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."

12. You or your parents drive mostly Japanese cars.

13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.

14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.

15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...." (But it was an intentional parody)

16. You know what bok choy is.

17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February. (Used to, anyway. Cheapskates.)

18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors. (In my family's house back then.)

19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Joy - ee - yah! or Joy - yah!).

20. You have no eyelashes.

21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc...
White Guy: "(something unintelligible)."
Me: *blink* "Pardon?"
White Guy: "Oh .. you're Chinese, right? (repeats unintelligible phrase)"
Me: "No. Japanese."
White Guy: "Oh, um. (new unintelligible phrase)?"
Me: -_-

22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.

23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner.

24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher. (Only if you say so!)

26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."

27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.

28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother?" Well then, "Is it your sister?"

29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.

30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!"

31. Everyone thinks you're good at math. (I quickly prove them wrong)

32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yahs, and Wah's."

33. You like $1.75 movies.

34. You like $1.50 movies even more.

35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green.

36. Your parents insist you marry within your race.

37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food.

38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.

39. Your parents have never kissed you. (Well, till this year technically - my mother lipped me on the cheek this past Saturday, May 8; it's my first kiss from her, ever.)

40. Your parents have never kissed each other (Though rumor has it they kiss something.)

41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents. (This isn't a uniquely Asian aspect, but it's true anyway.)

42. "You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"

43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate. (Only once or twice, really.)

44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle." (This is because I don't know what the heck their names are and I don't usually care.)

45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles. (Counting both sides of the family.)

46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert. (Sort of; I don't usually order dessert anyway unless I'm with Lo-Fan and I usually ask for water regardless.)

47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."

48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses. I'm about the only one who doesn't

49.You will most likely be taller than your parents. (Well, only one. I don't delude myself.)

50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both.

51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.

52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift.

53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.

54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.

55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan.)

56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture.

57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.

58. You own a rice cooker or two. (My various family do; I do tend to get asked for tips about where and how to buy and use rice cookers though.)

59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.

60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.

61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.

62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can"grow into it" and wear it for years to come. [Oh, come on! Real Asian parents *make* their own clothes and buy those crappy cheap plastic shoes that make your feet sweat and stink.]

63. your parents believes in feng shui

64. your parents are very conservative and think that tank tops/halters/spaghetti straps shows too much skin.

65. everytime your parents lecture you, they always make up excuses that relate to everything you've done in the past.

66. you like JIN

67. when you were little, your parents beat you with sticks and stuff.


This is presumably intended for those of Asian descent; I suspect it's funnier if you're actually of Asian descent.
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